i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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