were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
