I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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