i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
