No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
