Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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