I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
