My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
