Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
