Screwed.edu
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you never un-have a 4some
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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