That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
