I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize