I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
