if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
