the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
