Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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