swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
