But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
