My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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