Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
