fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
