I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
