he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
