I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
