I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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