This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
