The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
