What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dear god my vagina.
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