girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize