covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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