i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
