Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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