He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
