I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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