There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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