im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
