cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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