you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
soo... how was my night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
