Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
