420 ftw
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
