Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
