3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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