Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
