I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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