I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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