remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
