thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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