just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
