Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
