oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
