I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
