Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
