i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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