I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
