Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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