im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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