oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
