wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
