I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
