I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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