she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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