As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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