I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
