That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize