You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
