He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My vagina is officially offended.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
