At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
