how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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