I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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