What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We need to rekindle our bromance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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