Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
